Marriage, Wounds, and the Hope for Newness

If you stay in any relationship long enough—especially marriage—you will eventually come face to face with the deep despair that can exist when one wounded heart meets another. Moral failure, betrayal, disappointment, and unmet expectations do not simply impact a relationship in theory; they land on real people with real histories, fears, and longings. And when those wounds surface, couples often find themselves sitting in a heavy mix of despair, confusion, anxiety, and fear.

Many couples come into counseling with some version of the same question quietly (or loudly) echoing beneath the surface: I don’t see a way forward from here.

There is often a very real fear that if old wounds are opened—or if the past is “dug up”—the damage will only deepen. What will happen on the other side of this? Will it make things worse? Will it confirm that things are beyond repair? Will it break what little feels intact?

And to be clear, that is an honest and good question to ask.

When we allow ourselves to experience pain—especially pain we have avoided or minimized—we are stepping into the unknown. For some, it is the first time they are truly acknowledging how deeply they have been hurt. For others, it is the re-experiencing of wounds they thought they had already dealt with. Either way, there is no guarantee we can point to and say with certainty what the outcome will be. That uncertainty alone can feel terrifying.

But here is where hope enters—not because the pain isn’t real, but because we are not the creators of the outcome.

When couples find themselves overwhelmed by despair or confused by the depth of what has been uncovered, Scripture invites us to remember something essential: we are not God. We do not create life, healing, or restoration. The Lord does.

From the very beginning of time, God has been in the business of creating out of chaos. He brings order where there was none, life where there was emptiness, and beauty where things once felt formless and void. And that matters deeply for marriages that feel broken beyond recognition.

Many couples unknowingly hope for a "fixed" version of what they once had—a slightly better version, a less painful version, or a return to something familiar. But often, what God offers is not a repaired copy of the old relationship. What He offers is something entirely new. And that is precisely why there is so much fear.

Newness means uncertainty. It means letting go of the illusion that we know what the relationship should look like. It means trusting God to create something that has never existed before—not just between two people, but within each of them as well.

In this space, couples are invited to rest—not because the process is easy, but because the responsibility of creation does not fall on them. The Lord does not ask couples to manufacture healing or force outcomes. He asks them to bring what is broken, wounded, and unfinished—and to trust Him with what comes next.

When couples are willing to step into the unknown with humility and courage, they may discover that what lies on the other side is not lesser, and not the same—but something deeper, more honest, and more resilient than what existed before.

And while we may not be able to see what newness looks like yet, we can trust the One who has been creating since Creation itself.